Without Merit

Honor calls Merit and complains that Sagan isn’t answering his phone. Merit asks Honor if Sagan has a terminal illness because Honor typically builds romantic relationships with young men who have life-threatening conditions. Insulted, Honor tells Merit that Sagan is healthy. Honor’s first boyfriend, Kirk, died suddenly of a brain tumor two years prior, and Honor has since sought out relationships with critically ill young men, wanting to be with them when they die.

Merit drives home and reflects on her various family members and their eccentricities. She feels that Honor’s unique romantic history “borders on necrophilia” (21). Although Merit’s parents are divorced, Merit’s mother, Vicky Voss, lives in the same house as Merit’s father, Barnaby Voss, and his new wife, Victoria Finney-Voss. Experiencing multiple mental health challenges, including agoraphobia, Vicky never leaves the basement. Merit has an older brother, Utah Voss, and a younger stepbrother, Moby Voss. Utah feels compelled to maintain a high level of structure and order in his daily schedule, which Merit considers controlling. Merit recognizes that her family is good a keeping their unusual characteristics secret.

The family lives in a repurposed church that Barnaby purchased several years before. The Vosses used to live in a house behind the church, but Barnaby could not stand the incessant barking of the pastor’s dog. Barnaby bribed the loan officer assigned to the sale so he could buy the church and evict the pastor, Pastor Brian, and his dog, Wolfgang. The Vosses still own their original home behind the church, and Barnaby’s church purchase provides gossip for the residents of Sulphur Springs.

Though the Vosses renovated the church upon moving in, the stained-glass windows, an eight-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ, and a marquee in the front yard remain. The family names the church-turned-house Dollar Voss. Merit believes that her family’s efforts to transform the old church into a family home are unsuccessful, and she is embarrassed knowing the other residents in her small town “feel we’re out of place here” (29). The house splits into four living quarters, including a basement, which is occupied by Vicky. Though Vicky rarely leaves the basement, her presence causes tension for Barnaby and his current wife, Victoria. The older Voss siblings believe Victoria was Vicky’s oncology nurse, which is how she met and began having an affair with Barnaby. Utah, Honor, and Merit’s limited perspective incites resentment toward Barnaby and Victoria for Barnaby’s infidelity.

That evening, Merit takes Nyquil to fake sickness and sleeps through the family’s dinner. She feels embarrassed about unknowingly kissing her sister’s boyfriend, especially since she passionately returned Sagan’s kiss. Merit often tries to distinguish herself from her sister, but the girls look and sound the same, irritating Merit. In general, Merit feels disconnected from the rest of her family.

Much to Merit’s chagrin, Sagan spends more and more time at Dollar Voss. Merit and Sagan only speak to each other once; Sagan asks Merit if she wants to talk about their kiss, and Merit declines. Merit lies and tells Sagan that the kiss was awkward and that she’s glad it was interrupted because she was about to slap him. Though Merit and Sagan don’t talk after this, Merit can sense Sagan looking at her. She hates feeling envious of Honor and feels guilty about her attraction to Sagan. Sagan is an artist, and Merit admires his drawings, often stealing his sketches of Honor and pretending they are sketches of herself.

To make herself more visible at home, Merit stops talking to her family: “I’m tired of everything I say not having meaning to anyone. I’ll just stop talking so that when I do talk, my words will count” (59). Sagan is the only character who notices Merit’s silence, and he draws a picture of her swallowing a boat. Merit frequently stays up all night watching Netflix without finishing any shows or movies. She notes that she has difficulty staying focused on TV and distracts herself by listening to music and cleaning her room. She finds relief in solitude at night.

Merit gives Moby, her four-year-old stepbrother, a doughnut for breakfast, knowing Victoria doesn’t allow Moby to have sugar. Moby is the only family member Merit thinks of lovingly, though she realizes that has more to do with his age than his personality. Merit thinks Utah and Honor are more like twins as they “finish each other’s sentences, share inside jokes, and spend the most time together” (46). Honor’s traumatic experience of watching her first boyfriend die from cancer divided the girls, and they have since grown increasingly distant. Merit feels she has nothing in common with Utah besides sharing a dark secret: Utah forced Merit to kiss him when she was 12 years old. Utah is less than a year older than Merit and Honor, and they are now all seniors in high school. Honor and Utah will graduate top of their class and earn college scholarships. Merit has not been to school in two weeks and has no plans of returning.

Utah, Honor, and Merit have a tense relationship with their stepmother: They resent Victoria and refuse to speak with her. The animosity between the older siblings and Victoria causes marital problems for Victoria and Barnaby, as Victoria believes Barnaby needs to be stricter with his children. Victoria regularly lies to Moby when he asks difficult life questions, and the older siblings believe this is unhealthy. Victoria is religious and hates how Merit dresses up the Jesus Christ statue in Dollar Voss’s living room; it is currently dressed as a Green Bay Packers fan. Utah, Honor, and Merit believe that once they graduate and leave Dollar Voss, Victoria will insist that Barnaby kick Vicky out of the house, too.

Vicky has not left Dollar Voss in two years. Her last outing was to Kirk’s funeral, and Vicky only attended because Honor was upset and begged her to come. Vicky’s mental health issues developed after she was in a car accident while pregnant with Honor and Merit. Merit, Honor, and Utah ensure their mother has everything she needs in the basement of Dollar Voss, and Barnaby schedules doctors to visit his ex-wife.

Merit spends more time awake at night than during the day. One night during a thunderstorm, she hears Wolfgang scratching at Dollar Voss’s front door. Though Barnaby lies and claims Wolfgang is an aggressive dog, Wolfgang proves to be calm and affectionate with Merit. Wolfgang retreats to his old doghouse in the backyard. Merit decides to return Wolfgang to Pastor Brian in the morning; however, when Honor wakes up, she informs the family that Pastor Brian recently died from a heart attack. Merit feels sad for Wolfgang but not for Pastor Brian.

Utah regularly posts a random, non-religious fact on the marquee in front of Dollar Voss. Honor suggests it might be insensitive to do so after Pastor Brian’s passing, as Pastor Brian erected the marquee for religious purposes. Utah considers this suggestion, but he then updates the marquee with a fact about flamingos.