Starfish

In Poems 78-90, Ellie begins to stand up for herself. At the same time, Ellie’s growing sense of self-worth leads her to develop trust. She begins to turn to others for support, learning that she can rely on them—developing the theme of The Importance of Support from Others.

The desk incident in Poem 80: “Swarmed” is a turning point for some of Ellie’s relationships. In “Swarmed,” Ellie compares her classmates to “sharks” who “take turns biting / with laughter and words” (121). Meanwhile, Ellie is “a sea turtle on its back, / trying to get out of the rubble, / trying to get up, / trying to will the earth to open up / and swallow me whole” (121). Ellie’s conceptualization of herself as a sea turtle struggling on its back, paired with the repetition of “trying,” communicates the powerlessness she felt in the moment. The metaphor of her classmates as sharks captures their viciousness, and the emotional violence of their reaction to Ellie’s distress.

While Ellie’s household dissolves into chaos, she finds support in Catalina in Poem 86: “Checking on Me.” A stanza in Poem 87: “From I to We” utilizes paired opposites, just like the poem “Shadows” (Poem 11) when Ellie and Catalina first danced together. Ellie says that she and Catalina are “just like the documentary / I once saw showing a humpback / and a dolphin, / an unlikely pair, / playing in the water” (135). This recalls the earlier analogies establishing the girls’ contrasting yet complementary connection, reinforcing the development of their relationship. While previously, Ellie compared herself and Catalina to commonly paired objects like cookies and milk, she now equates their relationship to an interaction between two unlikely yet distinctly unique creatures. This reinforces the new level of trust and vulnerability Ellie shares with Catalina. As the girls swim together, Ellie allows Catalina into her sacred space (the pool), symbolizing their symbiosis.

Poems 78-90 similarly develop Ellie’s relationship with Anaïs. Until this point, Anaïs has been an awkward in-between on the spectrum of ill treatment Ellie receives from her family. Anaïs does not actively participate in Mom and Liam’s abuse of Ellie, but neither does she take direct action like Dad to oppose it. However, Anaïs has remained a significant figure in catalyzing Ellie’s pain because she is the one who nicknamed her “Splash” years ago. Poem 88: “Treat Me Better” and Poem 89: “Sisters at Last” demonstrate that although Anaïs may not have been an active bully in Ellie’s life, her inaction has been equally hurtful.

“Sisters at Last” is a cathartic moment for both Ellie and Anaïs as “I let [Anaïs] wrap her arms around me, / draw me close, / hold me tight, / tighter, / while today’s dammed tears break free / and we both / can’t stop sobbing” (139). This interaction offers a quasi-resolution to Ellie’s pain at the desk incident; having her sister apologize and support her helps validate Ellie’s right to be treated well. Poem 90: “Called By Name” is another significant moment for Ellie, as it’s the first time Anaïs uses her real name. This foreshadows Ellie’s growing sense of confidence in her own identity, no matter the names people inflict on her.