One True Loves

“They said ‘Travel the World by Reading a Book.’ […] Whenever I picked one of them up, I would be struck by how perfectly they symbolized exactly what I resented about that bookstore. I was going to travel the world by actually traveling it.”

The bookmarks in Blair Books have remained unchanged since Emma’s great uncle’s time, and they symbolize all the things she is trying to escape. She does not want to be tied to Acton forever by her family’s expectations, with no room for change or exploration. The bookmarks, along with the bookstore itself, point to the theme of Identity Formation in the Face of Expectations.

“I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be him, to have something you were so passionate about that you actually needed to make yourself take a break from it. I didn’t have any particular passion. I just knew that it wasn’t  my family’s passion. It wasn’t books.”

Emma is amazed by Sam’s passion for music. At this point in her life, she does not feel as strongly about anything; however, her active distaste of books points to her determination to develop an identity independent of her family. Once again, this calls to the theme of Identity Formation in the Face of Expectations.

“Do you ever feel like everyone is always telling you who you are? […] Like, people are acting as if they know better than you what you’re good at or who you are supposed to be?”

Emma and Jesse discuss the difficulty of living up to people’s expectations of them. Besides calling to the theme of Identity Formation in the Face of Expectations, the conversation also indicates a strong connection. This is the first conversation Emma and Jesse have, and yet, they are drawn to each other enough to share some of their deepest secrets. Thus, this quote also calls to the theme of The Question of Soulmates and Everlasting Love.

“…for some reason I didn’t want to do it anywhere but back in New England. The impulse surprised me. I had spent so much time exploring everywhere else, had put so much emphasis on getting away. But once I had put enough distance between myself and where I grew up, I started to see its beauty.”

When Emma and Jesse decide to get married, the former realizes she wants their wedding to take place in New England. This insight indicates how determinedly she was to run from her home and family to carve out a separate identity, so much so that she ignored parts of her that did resonate with them. Having spent enough time away, she is now able to explore the parts of her that align with her home and family. This self-discovery continues after Jesse’s disappearance, when Emma moves back home and has the opportunity to rediscover and fall in love with life in Acton.

“I had some of my most incredible experiences abroad. But I’d also had a lot of them right in my own home. […] I had predicated my life on the idea that I wanted to see everywhere extraordinary, but I’d come to realize that extraordinary is everywhere.”

Even before Jesse’s disappearance, Emma’s wanderlust begins to cool, and she longs for a place to settle down. This indicates that Emma and Jesse are perhaps already growing in different ways, as Jesse does not share Emma’s desire to return to Acton. This quote, thus, points to the theme of Growth and Change as Individuals and Within Relationships.

“That night, you have a new stack of books to read and you open up the first one, confident it won’t break you down. It is the first time in a long time that you have felt safe.”

After moving back home after Jesse’s disappearance, Emma discovers reading, which helps her through her grieving. Despite having run from books and reading her entire life, they are still an integral part of her childhood, and she feels safe with them in her time of tragedy. Thus, she begins to build a positive relationship with books and reading, in line with the theme of Growth and Change as Individuals and within Relationships.

“And then, slowly, […] you find a life’s purpose again. It is right there, in Blair Books, the very place you’ve spent your life running from.”

Blair Books becomes an integral part of Emma rebuilding her life after Jesse. As she has stopped traveling and writing, working at the bookstore gives Emma a sense of purpose and self-worth. Thus, it weaves itself into her newfound identity. The bookstore’s role in Emma’s life mirrors the support she receives from her family, and is further reflected in Emma’s choice to change her last name back to Blair. By calling to the themes of Identity Formation in the Face of Expectations and Growth and Change as Individuals and within Relationships, the bookstore works as an important symbol.

“You think you know who you are, you think you have your identity down pat, signed and sealed in a box that you call ‘me,’ and then you realize you’re attracted to musicians—that ‘dexterous’ is sexy to you—and you have to rethink everything you know about yourself.”

Emma meets and reconnects with Sam at a music store. As he plays the piano for her, she is surprised to find herself attracted to him. Over the course of Emma and Sam’s relationship, Emma discovers parts of herself that are unexpected; they are brought about by Sam, as well as her recent experiences and losses. These changes shape Emma’s sense of identity, and the kind of person she grows to become.

“‘Not the dream I originally dreamt, as you know,’ I said. ‘But I’m starting to think you don’t always know what your dreams are. Some of us have to run smack into one before we see it.’”

On their first date, Emma and Sam discuss how she is working at Blair Books now, which she enjoys despite having had other plans for life. Emma’s acknowledgment that one does not always know what one will enjoy indicates two things: Firstly, it indicates that she did run from the bookstore in rebellion. Secondly, it posits the idea that people change and evolve over time in regard to the things they enjoy and view as important.

“I feel awful for giving up on Jesse. For thinking he was dead. For moving on. For falling in love with someone else. I’m actually furious at myself for that. But I’m also really angry at myself for not being loyal to Sam, for not remaining steadfast and true in my devotion, like I have promised him I would be.”

As Emma is about to meet an alive Jesse, she reflects on her anger and frustration at the situation. The depth of Emma’s emotions reflects that of Jesse and Sam as well. Though a common romance trope, the love triangle is not frivolously employed in this novel; it is used to examine and grant the novel’s themes proper gravitas.

“My whole life. It has always, always been him. How have I spent all of my time forgetting who I am and who I love?”

The moment Emma sets eyes on Jesse, her feelings for him return in full force; she is unable to fathom how she could have loved anyone else. Her reflection that she’d forgotten who she was indicates that loving Jesse is tied to her identity. Both Emma and Jesse helped each other break free from expectations and follow their dreams; having built a life together at such a crucial time in their lives, their relationship is integral to both of their journeys. This foreshadows Marie’s insight later on, that Emma’s struggle is more about identity than love when it comes to deciding between the two men.

“‘What about Sam?’ It is the first time I see sadness and anger flash over Jesse’s face. ‘Don’t say his name,’ he says, moving away from me. The sharpness of his tone disarms me.”

Jesse reacts negatively at the mention of Sam. Jesse’s reaction is rooted in his frustration at the world for having moved on without him—which includes Emma. The flash of anger Emma glimpses alerts her to the fact that Jesse is far more affected by his experience than he is willing to let on. He acknowledges this later in the novel, that his feelings are complicated by trauma and that he will need time to resolve them.

“There is other love out there for me. But it’s different. It isn’t this. It isn’t this exact love. It’s better and it’s worse. But I guess that’s sort of the point of love between two people—you can’t re-create it. Every time you love, everyone you love, the love is different. You’re different in it.”

Although Sam exists, Emma reflects on how her love for Jesse is different. The thought of every love being unique points to the theme of The Question of Soulmates and Everlasting Love and foreshadows the conclusion of the novel—that two people like Emma and Jesse could be soulmates, but their relationship won’t necessarily last forever.

“If you want my two cents, you have the unique ability to love with your whole heart even after it’s been broken. That’s a good thing. Don’t feel guilty about that.”

Emma’s parents comfort her after she explains her situation (the love triangle) to them. Ashley’s reassurance that Emma has nothing to feel guilty about points to the Blairs’ support. This quote also points to the themes of The Question of Soulmates and Everlasting Love and Growth and Change as Individuals and within Relationships, indicating that it is possible to move on and love again, even after heartbreak.

“… the problem isn’t who you love or if you love both, I don’t think. I think the problem is that you aren’t sure who you are. You’re a different person now than you were before you lost Jesse. It changed you, fundamentally.”

Marie identifies Emma’s conflict as one rooted in personal growth rather than romantic love. This quote highlights the changed relationship between the sisters. Not only is Emma able to confide in Marie about her conflict, but Marie knows Emma well enough to give her accurate and important advice.

“After all of our shared experiences and our parents’ cajoling, it has been our hardships that have softened us to each other. Losing my husband and the challenges of raising Marie’s twins are the things that have brought us together.”

Emma reflects on how it was her and Marie’s respective challenges that brought them closer together as sisters. The sisters’ support of each other cements their bond, and leads to Emma becoming more appreciative of Acton after Jesse’s disappearance.

“The way he says it, the word ‘forsaken,’ and the fact that he doesn’t look at me, it all adds up to make me think Jesse’s angrier than he’s letting on. That he does resent me for moving on.”

Jesse is upset that things have changed in his time away, including some of his favorite restaurants. However, his use of “forsaken” alerts both Emma and the reader to the depth of his feelings, and where they may stem from. Jesse’s frustration arises from the fact that the people in his life “gave up” on him. This is heightened by the fact that he was actively fighting to survive in extreme circumstances. His determination, contrasted with what he believes to have been his family’s abandonment, is especially painful.

“There’s not a single thing about this place that surprises me, not a single thing that feels out of place in comparison with my memory, except that I am a different person than I was the last time I was here.”

Emma sets foot in the cabin in Maine—the wedding venue owned by Jesse’s family—and finds everything to be exactly as she left it, except herself. This reflection indicates that someone’s core can change drastically, despite seeming unchanged. The cabin as a setting and symbol accentuates this, especially as Emma and Jesse reevaluate their relationship over the next few days.

“They say that when you remember something, you are really remembering the last time you remembered it. Each time you recollect a memory, you change it, ever so slightly, shading it with new information, new feelings.”

Emma reflects on how memories are constantly being rewritten, based on current experiences. This phenomenon is what initially obscures Emma and Jesse’s feelings about their current reality, but also eventually alerts them to the fact that they do not fit together anymore. Emma’s memories of Jesse are colored by love, especially since she lost him to a tragic accident; the memories heighten how special her time with Jesse was, rewritten by her grief at losing him. However, she is forced to confront her being a different person now; her memories with Jesse reflect a different version of her.

“Sam knows me, the real me. And he has loved me exactly as I am, always, especially as the person I am today.”

As Emma and Jesse’s days in the cabin pass, Emma realizes how much she misses Sam. She also realizes that Sam has loved all versions of her—who she was in high school, and who she is now. This is contrasted with Jesse’s surprise at Emma’s new life, and how he refuses to acknowledge such changes as real. He is still looking for the Emma he remembers from years ago.

“People aren’t stagnant. We evolve in reaction to our pleasures and our pains. […] We are two people who are madly in love with our old selves. And that is not the same as being in love.”

Emma realizes that she and Jesse have changed over time, each impacted by their experiences in the last few years. In keeping with her reflection on memories being constantly rewritten, she finally recognizes her memories of their love as irrelevant to who they are as people today. This wraps up the theme of Growth and Change as Individuals and within Relationships.

“We talk about our love story like two people reflecting on a movie they just saw, which is to say, we talk about it with the fresh knowledge of how it all ends. All of the memories are ever so slightly different now, tinged with bittersweetness.”

After Emma and Jesse finally acknowledge the distance between them, they are able to reflect on their time together with a changed perspective. This calls to Emma’s earlier reflection on how memories are constantly rewritten. Now, memories of their relationship are no longer purely joyful, but are affected by their knowledge that their relationship inevitably comes to an end.

“It scares me, the idea of having Marie working under me. It makes me sort of uncomfortable and I’m slightly worried that it will undermine the good relationship we’ve started to build. But I also think that it could turn out to be great.”

When Marie wishes to be assistant manager of Blair Books after her maternity leave, Emma fears potentially damaging their relationship. However, the sisters are also in a place where their bond is strong enough to endure some conflict; furthermore, their new dynamic means that working together could be a good thing, rather than a stressful experience. This, along with Marie serving as Emma’s maid of honor at her second wedding, reinforces the sisters’ improved relationship.