Fire Shut Up in My Bones

Blow’s mother Billie is the central figure in his life, particularly during his childhood. Loving but realistic, she is the quintessential tough-as-nails mother. Her love for Blow is tempered by her fears for him. She understands the world he is entering, and her job, as she sees it, is to prepare him for that world, even if it means feeling ashamed of his “lilting” gait. Billie tolerates her husband’s philandering for the sake of the family, but once she has the means to live independently of him, the years of patient acceptance dissolve into anger and vengeance. Much of that anger, directed toward her husband and his numerous mistresses, becomes violent, and in that respect, Billie is an echo of her time and place. As Blow notes, women brandishing guns at cheating husbands is not uncommon in his world. Although her affection for her son sometimes takes the form of chastisement, love always exists beneath the scowl and the wagging finger. She leads by example, modeling the importance of education to her children by earning a master’s degree and becoming an educator. With age, Billie learns to temper her anger, but she remains the striving, devoted mother and the woman whose love and attention Blow never stops searching for.

Blow’s father Spinner was once a musician until a deadly car accident and a stint in prison derails that dream. Now a construction worker, he is a testament to the pain of unfulfilled dreams. A closet full of old guitars is a constant reminder of what might have been, and Spinner deals with his loss in unhealthy ways, including drinking, gambling, and carousing with other women. His shattered dreams render him incapable of being the father Blow needs and wants, and he projects his disillusionment onto his son, constantly telling him he’s not quite good enough. Big Mama’s last husband, Jeb, is more of a father to Blow than Spinner. When Billie chases Spinner out of the house, his physical presence is missed but not his emotional one. Like Billie, age and regret push him toward some measure of redemption, and he does his best to atone for his sins. As he enters his twilight phase, Spinner takes stock of his life, measuring his deeds against his moral guideposts, and course-correcting the best he can.

As her name suggests, Blow’s grandmother Big Mama is a larger-than-life figure. Married four times, Big Mama’s currently lives with Jeb, her fourth husband, in Houston. Blow recounts Big Mama’s younger years as full of deceit; for example, she once used money earmarked for the car payment on clothes and shoes. When her husband at the time discovers the fraud, he leaves her. Jeb, however, has curbed Big Mama’s deceitful ways, and Blow remembers her at this time as full of joy. The women in Blow’s life stand tall and strong, and Big Mama is no different, radiating “a feminine power, the kind that lights a room and buckles a knee, the kind that makes men do things they know they shouldn’t” (13). While Jeb’s death opens a wound in Big Mama, turning her joy into anger, she remains the kind of powerful presence around which families orbit like a bright star.

While Jeb doesn’t take up much textual space in the book, his presence is profound. Blow sees Jeb’s character and kindness through the tenderness in his eyes. He describes them as “brown, maple-syrup sweet, and hint of gray around the edges, sunrise yellow where the whites should be […]. They were the kind of eyes that saw down into the dark of you and drew up the light” (12). Jeb’s capacity for finding and evoking goodness in others makes him an emotional anchor for Blow, whose own father is too busy running from his present and pining for his past. Jeb’s death is a gut punch to young Blow, who is so accustomed to his grandfather’s love and support. Jeb exists as a flesh-and-blood human being and a testament to the power of extended families. Relatives like Jeb take up the slack and bolster those around them who work tirelessly and sometimes just need a break.

A smiling, slick operator, Chester is a master manipulator. Slightly older than Blow, he has a gift for sensing weakness and vulnerability, and Blow quickly becomes his target. Intuiting Blow’s loneliness and desire to be “chosen,” Chester gives him the attention he craves, makes him feel special, gains his trust, and then exploits that trust. Like many abusers, he covers his crime by making his victim believe no crime has occurred. “Relax, it’s just a game” (66), he whispers in his young cousin’s ear, trying to dispel the fear. Nevertheless, Blow is smart enough to know that what Chester is doing is wrong and brave enough to stand up to him. Rejected, Chester’s manipulation shifts gears. He now turns angry and verbally abusive, shaming Blow into a silence that eats away at him for years. While Chester occupies only a single chapter in the book, his manipulations and lies create the dark and damaging framework for Blow’s entire childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood.

Although Blow is sexually active with many different women during his youth, Greta stands out. They first meet at a dance club, and for Blow, the experience is an epiphany. He cannot believe such a beautiful woman would be interested in him, and they dance and talk for hours. This sparks the beginning of an intense, clandestine love affair. Eventually, she breaks it off, resolving to stay monogamous with her first boyfriend, and Blow is destroyed. The breakup crushes his self-esteem and brings up a host of past fears and doubts. Although they reconnect years later, marry, and start a family, the marriage doesn’t last. They are passing trains, sharing a brief moment of connection and intimacy before drifting apart, their differences ultimately too great to resolve. They do, however, share two children, a bond which will forever tether them to each other.