Breathing Underwater

At school, Saint tries to provoke Nick with lewd comments about Caitlin’s body now that they are dating. Later, Nick calls Caitlin from the payphone again and tells her what Saint said. She tells Nick he also used to make comments about her body that made her want to die. He apologizes and reminds her of the dolphins behind his house. When he tells her how much he misses her, she agrees to meet him there that evening. He touches the ring in his pocket again, sure that Caitlin will accept it and take him back.

At home, he takes out his journal and admits that he has gotten accustomed to writing in it. To celebrate what he believes will be his last entry, he writes about a good memory. Caitlin and Liana won Homecoming Princess, so Nick and Tom sat with them in the halftime parade car. Caitlin told Nick it was the best day of her life, while he silently felt guilty for not voting for her. She nevertheless credited Nick with her win because she believed getting thin and becoming his girlfriend made the popular group accept her despite her friendship with “chubbo” Elsa. Liana assured her that unlike Peyton, she accepted Caitlin as she is. 

Nick waits for Caitlin behind his house, but she never shows. Almost a week later, he writes about the night he had sex with Caitlin, claiming it was the best night of his life. After the homecoming game, Caitlin was initiated into the Sphinx sorority. Nick and the other football players, some of whom were drinking, secretly followed the girls to spy on the initiation. Nick climbed a tree to look in the window, where he saw the Sphinx girls in a circle surrounding a blindfolded Caitlin. As part of their “cleansing” ritual, the girls revealed what they secretly thought of Caitlin, insulting her weight and her mother. A girl named Ashley implied she had sex with Nick in the past, a suggestion that visibly upset Caitlin. After they finished, they hugged her while she cried. As Nick climbed down, Zack teased him about the girls being naked and playfully punched him. Nick punched him back hard enough to make him fall.

When the girls came outside, the boys pretended to kidnap them. In the chaos, two of the girls, Whitney and Jessica, pretended to steal Nick’s car. Once the initiation was officially over, Nick glared at Ashley for lying about having sex with him. On the drive home, Caitlin confessed the experience was not as fun as she thought it would be. Sensing her insecurity, Nick assured her he did not think negatively of her. They shared a moment in which Nick admitted he felt right with her. He then convinced her to forgo her sleepover at Jessica’s and sleep with him instead since his father was away that weekend. He believed sex would mean she was his forever.

In English class, Nick takes pride in earning an A+ on his American Poetry test. When Miss Higgins gives the class a new poetry assignment, Nick tries to think of something besides Caitlin to write about. In the hallway after class, Nick sees Caitlin and Saint kissing. He whispers “fat pig” to Caitlin as she walks past him. The short chapter ends with a flashback-style note about leaving Thanksgiving with Caitlin’s mother to the reader’s imagination.

After family violence class, Nick speaks with Mario privately about his fear of violating his restraining order. He does not reveal that he has already spoken to Caitlin over the phone and at school, but Mario assumes that he has. Although initially he claims that he only misses sex, Nick eventually admits that he misses the intimacy they shared. We get a glimpse of Nick’s Thanksgiving memory alluded to in the previous chapter. Nick asks Mario how to stop missing Caitlin, but Mario can only promise that it gets easier. Nick gets frustrated and leaves. Mario gives him his business card, and Nick takes it without ever planning on calling him. That evening, Mario calls, but Nick ignores him.

In Nick’s flashback of his holiday trip to Key West with his friends, Saint gave money to a poor street performer, earning praise from Caitlin and scorn from Nick. As they walked down a crowded street, Nick refused to let Caitlin stop to buy a teddy bear, instead pulling the group into a bar that failed to check their IDs. Inside, Nick insulted the “redneck” band that played; when Caitlin called them “colorful,” Nick scolded her for contradicting him. Nick drank heavily despite Tom’s warnings. When he saw Caitlin talking to Zack, he jealously declared that she used to be “fat and ugly” (Loc 1902). He then encouraged her to show her breasts, forcing her to stand and kiss him. This outburst got them kicked out of the bar.

At Leo’s house watching baseball, Nick admits that he feels comfortable with Leo because they share a bond of abuse. Leo shares that Neysa is with her family against his wishes. Nick unconsciously hears Mario’s voice saying that Leo is being controlling, but he ignores it because he believes that he and Leo are similar. Leo reveals that Neysa dropped the charges against him because his abusive stepfather, Hector, paid off her family. In a clear moment of foreshadowing, Leo shows Nick the gun he owns, claiming that he will use it against Hector if he must but does not believe he will; he offers the gun to Nick to borrow.

Later, Nick writes about the second day of his holiday in Key West. The group was on Zack’s yacht. Caitlin was afraid of being in the water. She asked Nick if he was afraid of dying, but he said he only feared being without her. He hated that she had the courage to go swimming despite her fears and insulted her weight so that she would keep her body covered. When Liana saw a nurse shark, Caitlin swam away as Nick scared her further. Liana convinced her to come back, and Caitlin was proud of facing her fear. Liana congratulated her, while Nick felt left out and out of breath. As everyone slept after lunch, Nick and Tom pranked Saint by writing on him; Tom drew a dolphin on himself. He asked Nick about sex with Caitlin, and Nick admitted that he persuaded her by reminding her other girls were available. Tom and Nick wrestled after Tom revealed he was still a virgin and Nick called him “whipped.”