A Crooked Kind of Perfect

“And with that he tore out the magical paper keyboard that was supposed to be my ticket to Carnegie Hall. For the first and only time, the paper keyboard made a sound: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrip.”

Zoe’s journey toward achieving her dream of playing the piano is filled with comedic moments, such as this scene in which she attends her first paper keyboard class. All of Zoe’s expectations are being met short, and it appears as though nothing is going to work out as she hoped. By Making the Most of Imperfection, Zoe slowly starts to find enjoyment in what she has, rather than what she wants.

“He was supposed to say, ‘My daughter is about to have a concert at Carnegie Hall. I just need to buy her a piano so she can start her lessons.’ But Dad was mesmerized by the boompa-chucka-boomp.”

Zoe’s hopes of what is going to happen are often very different from what actually happens, and her life is in many ways defined by Navigating Challenging Family Dynamics brought on by her father’s mental illness. Zoe’s dad is highly sensitive and impulsive, and the sound of the organ playing draws him away from his task at hand; as a result, Zoe ends up with an organ instead of a piano, and it becomes a lesson in Making the Most of Imperfection.

“I see Mabelline Person scribbling away with her purple pen. She is not writing prodigy.”

Zoe’s expectations are once again met with disappointment and a swift alert to the reality of her situation. Zoe thought she would be a prodigy playing Carnegie Hall within a couple of years, and when her teacher reacts as though she isn’t at all impressed, Zoe starts to realize that what she imagined is different from what is really the case. This is part of Zoe’s naïve conceptions of perfection.

“I was going to tell Emma about the Perfectone D-60. How my dad had cast my dreams upon a rocky shore. How my genius might never blossom. How my life as a prodigy was over.”

One of Zoe’s flaws is that she can be shortsighted and thinks that perfection and the achievement of her dreams should all come to her instantly. When one disappointment or unexpected change comes along, Zoe struggles to handle it well. In this moment, Zoe becomes melodramatic as she thinks about the various disappointments in her life.

“Nobody wears socks anymore.”

Zoe goes to Emma’s party proudly wearing her toe socks with the intention of giving Emma a pair, but she discovers that everyone is wearing clogs and nobody has socks on at all. When Zoe voices this discovery to her mother, her mother finds it unusual but doesn’t consider it a negative to be different from the others. Zoe, on the other hand, is still growing up and finding her place, so she places great importance on what her peers think of her.

“At first, I miss the Perfectone D-60’s Rumba switch, but pretty soon everybody is shaking their tambourines and maracas and it sounds okay.”

Zoe’s favorite thing about the organ turns out to be its electronic beats, which add dimension to her music and make it more fun. All of this helps Zoe relax and enjoy her playing rather than worry about being perfect. Zoe gets this same feeling when she plays for her class, as though she is a natural performer who just needs time to hone her talents.

“I think about how it felt to have my fingers gliding over those keys, how Miss Person looked when I finished playing. It felt good. Really good. Not as good as it would to play the piano, but…”

Zoe starts to find some sense of accomplishment and reward from playing the organ, although she cannot get the idea of a piano out of her mind no matter how much she enjoys the organ. Still, these experiences of being encouraged and validated in her musical abilities are the building blocks of the person Zoe needs to be to achieve her dream.

“At a recital, you play Mozart and Beethoven and Strauss and Bach. You do not play Hits of the Seventies.”

Zoe is constantly comparing and contrasting the organ and the piano in her mind, seeing her current situation as a state of being “lesser than” and finding it difficult to take being an organist seriously. What she doesn’t know is that the songs she is being encouraged to play are all the choices of Mabelline Person and do not reflect the scope and potential of organ music.

“Who knew you’d have to work four hours a day to make something sound so easy?”

When Zoe hears a boy on the radio talk about practicing cello for four hours a day, it finally occurs to her that she has had flawed expectations of what it takes to be a star musician. After this turning point in Zoe’s perspective, Zoe begins practicing more and putting all her effort into ensuring that she puts on a great performance at the competition.

“Perfect. Right hand. Perfect. Left hand. Perfect. Pedals. Perfect. Rock Beat #3. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.”

Zoe’s key playing improves dramatically. She starts to see herself succeeding, which boosts her confidence and only makes her want her piano more. With each “perfect,” Zoe plays another note correctly, and it also implies that Zoe is proud to see the results of her efforts. Zoe wonders at first if she has improved because she found out Colton likes her, but she doesn’t yet realize it is actually Wheeler who has increased the positivity in Zoe’s life and home.

“I count.

Oneandtwoandthreeandfourand

Bum

Bum

Bum

Bum go the pedals.”

As Zoe plays, she narrates the sounds she makes, and these are often depicted in such a way that they take on a poetic structure or shape. Here, the words taken on the shape of an organ from the sideview perspective. Writing the sounds out in this more visual manner also brings them to life and makes Zoe’s narrative more vivid and real.

“What good is working hard and learning to play the stupid Perfectone D-60 if nobody ever hears me?”

Zoe has spent her life quietly accepting the family dynamics that influence her everyday existence and what she is able to do. She rarely complains out loud and treats her parents with patience and understanding. In this pivotal moment, Zoe decides to put herself first for once and express how much it means to her to perform and show others how far she has come. Zoe is not like her father in the sense that she does not want to keep her talents hidden from the world.

“Horowitz was not about perfection. He was about joy and art and music and life. And those things have mistakes in them.”

Zoe reflects on the inevitability of mistakes in playing music and how a musician’s attitude toward imperfections are what make all the difference. Music is a motif in the novel that reflects Zoe’s life and her own personal growth over the course of the year. Zoe learns that Making the Most of Imperfection can have profound results and that it’s okay for her family to be a little bit “crooked.”

“And there are lights, too. Rows and rows of bulbs in the ceiling and chandeliers at the registration desk. There are yellow Christmas lights in all the Ficus trees and lit-up signs for RESTROOM and ELEVATOR and EXIT.”

When Zoe and her dad arrive at the competition, she describes the chaotic atmosphere and the overload of sensory information that she knows is going to affect her dad’s ability to stay calm and collected. Everything around them seems to be adding to the possibility of something going wrong, and soon even Zoe cannot escape the sense of nervousness.

“Wait a minute, I want to say. What if I get lost? What if I get stage fright? What if I lose my music?”

Zoe’s narrative shifts to a train of thought when she starts to feel panicked and alone. Her dad is in the hotel, and Zoe is left to find her own courage and navigate the contest without the support of her family. Zoe’s family dynamics are often a source of frustration and stress in her life.

“When the balcony people first get to Carnegie Hall, they can’t see the stage. All they see is a huge velvet curtain with golden fringe and tassels.”

Zoe compares Carnegie Hall (and the piano) to the organ competition, noting the strongly opposing atmospheres of each. Zoe idealizes piano and still struggles to take the organ seriously because it doesn’t suit the vision of perfection that she has created for herself. She fantasizes about the glamor of being a pianist and feels she is being sold short.

“I say it four more times—once for each mistake.

Just keep playing.

Just keep playing.

Just keep playing.

Just keep playing.”

Mona tells Zoe to “just keep playing” through her mistakes during the performance, which Zoe instructs herself to do as she plays. This simple but effective mantra helps Zoe remember that she doesn’t need to be perfect, just committed and passionate. It reminds her that nobody is perfect when they play an instrument, and that no matter what obstacles life throws at her, she can make her way through it.

“A robot can get a B-flat right. But getting the heart right is something only a person can do. And the ways to do it are as many and as different as there are people in the world.”

Zoe describes the power of music and how it is truly a human trait to be able to add the emotional layer to the sounds that instruments and voices produce. Zoe starts to find her niche and her place within the world of music long before she gets her hands on her instrument of choice because she learns to play with her heart.

“It’s that even though you know that Mona is reading the music and her fingers are pressing the keys and her feet are tapping the pedals and the sound is coming out of the Ultra-Gold fashion weave speakers of the Perfectone M-80, you feel like the music is coming out of you.”

Zoe observes the way that music can unite people and fill a person’s mind and body with its emotional power. Zoe feels inspired by Mona and can see now that the organ can be a beautiful instrument that, like the piano or any other form of music, has the ability to move its audience and communicate the beauty of existence.

“Everybody sounded like they were having fun. A lot more fun than yesterday.”

On the second day of the performances, everyone’s first-day jitters are gone, confidence is up, and there is a strong sense of community and support among the people in the audience. Zoe’s parents are both there to support her, and the atmosphere is completely opposite of the day before.

“Wheeler is a boy. And he is my friend. And I think he’s cute in a messy kind of way. But he’s not my boyfriend.”

Zoe thinks to herself about Wheeler and whether he could ever be a boyfriend, and because she is only 11 years old, it’s still a confusing topic for her. These feelings are starting to emerge, but she has no idea what they mean or what to do with them, so she is happy just being his friend for now. Wheeler and Zoe’s bond is an example of Friendship as a Pillar for Personal Growth because Wheeler’s presence improved the lives of Zoe and her family.

“The words are about money not being as good as music and dancing and as long as Neil Diamond can be with the person he loves, he doesn’t care about fancy clothes or anything. He’s okay wearing blue jeans.”

Zoe picked the song “Forever in Blue Jeans” without ever seeing or hearing its lyrics, and it’s not until after the competition that she realizes it coincidentally describes her own situation perfectly. Zoe’s family doesn’t have a lot, but they do have each other. While Navigating Challenging Family Dynamics occasionally gets in the way of family bonding, they always find one another again.

“This is my trophy. Those are my fingerprints smudged all over it. And in a few weeks it will have my name on it.

My name.

Zoe Elias.”

Zoe’s trophy is a symbol of her hard work, perseverance, and ability to make the most of imperfection. Zoe was given an organ instead of a piano, but she went on to learn to play it, to enjoy it, and to win fourth place in an organ contest, all despite the disappointment she felt along the way.